I guess Retrogrouches aren't limited to bicyclists.
Someone told me I sound like the guy in these "Play in the Now" commercials for Nike golf, where they trace the golfing Retrogrouch back through the decades (and centuries) continually scoffing at the latest innovations:
It starts in the present day with the guy scoffing at the latest driver, then we see the same guy going back in time. . .
"The last real innovation was titanium."
"Titanium's too light . . . if steel's good enough for the railroads it's good enough for me."
"Steel! They're called Woods, not Steels! I'll use my persimmons until the day I die."
"Persimmon is the club of a degenerate! A gentleman hits beechwood."
"If me mallet is good enough for the King of the Scots, it's good enough for me!"
I'm not taking it personally -- I actually got a good laugh out of it. It's a funny campaign, and there's apparently a whole series of them, all about different golf equipment.
It got me thinking about what a bicycle Retrogrouch version might look like:
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| "Electronic shifting? Regular Ergo is all anyone needs." |
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| "Downtube levers were good enough for Eddy Merckx -- they're good enough for me!" |
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| "Downtube shift levers and parallelograms? Do I look like some kind of pussy?" |
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| "You can have my Margherita shifter when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands!" |
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| "Shifting gears is for weak-kneed kids. I'm a man Goddamn it!" |
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| "Those drop-bar speed-demon bikes are purely for low-bred ruffians." |
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| "Safety bicycle?! Who ever said bicycles were supposed to be safe?!" |
I suppose Retrogrouches can be found in any sport (cycling, golf, tennis . . .), or any aspect of life for that matter. Sure, it might be a source of laughs sometimes, and that's fine by me. It's best not to take yourself too seriously.