The Retrogrouch

I have seen the future of cycling. And I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

I just saw this video today from Oakley's Future Sport Project where Cadel Evans and an Australian design team (4Design) present the handlebar of the future. It's like some kind of carbon fiber x-wing fighter with a built-in monitor that rivals the screen size on my laptop.

Evans says at the start "I like design and sport together because in the end of the day it's always your performance, it's judged on one thing, and that's the results you get. I like that regard because that always keeps design practical and keeps it real." Frankly, I'm not seeing the "real" or "practical" in this bizarre handlebar.

That huge monitor sticking out front has an OLED screen that displays all the usual computer data like speed, cadence, heart rate, etc., in addition to terrain mapping, GPS, altitude, and even G-forces (?!). Power meter data wasn't mentioned, but maybe that was an oversight. You can't ride a bike today without power meter data! Can't be done!

Those goofy x-braces extending down to the bar ends are there to add extra stiffness while still keeping the bar as light as possible. The extra "wings" sticking up from the middle had me puzzled for a bit, but I've come to figure out that those are forearm supports to help the rider get into a "time trial tuck position and ride off the front for 200ks solo" (but without the benefit of having some control levers out there -- shifting and stopping must be done with mind control).

Did I mention the G-force gauge? Yes? Well how about built in lights and video cameras?! Sweet.

The handlebar has all kinds of built-in wiring for electronic shifting -- though I don't see any brake levers on there, and don't know how somebody would mount some. I guess in the "future" we won't need to stop.

Clearly, the bars are just some kind of "concept" and we shouldn't expect to see them in our local bike shops any time soon -- so maybe I shouldn't be so hard on them. Then again, what does Cadel say?

"It feels like working in science fiction, but science fiction does eventually become reality, so why not?"

Welcome to the future.

There was a time when if a touring cyclist wanted really wide-range gearing, there weren't a lot of derailleur choices, and there were a lot of compromises with the choices that were available. Simply adding a long pulley cage to a derailleur wasn't enough -- it might increase the chain wrap, but that didn't necessarily mean the derailleur would make the big jumps between gears.

Huret, of France, offered several touring derailleurs in the 1970s -- including a long-cage version of the Allvit, the Luxe Super Touring, and the superlight Jubilee Touring. The Luxe ST and the long-cage Jubilee really didn't work well on wide range freewheels (which kind of begs the question "what's the point"), and the 145-gram Jubilee was just too light for for the demands of touring. The Super Allvit had decent capacity, but it also had that cable-breaking tension the Allvit's were known for. More than that, for less than the price of the Allvit, a person could buy a SunTour VGT which had serious chain-wrapping capacity, worked better, and could handle at least a 34-tooth sprocket on the rear wheel. I've heard people say that with a little finagling in the setup, one could even stretch the capabilities a bit more, though it could result in less-crisp shifting out to the smaller cogs. Simplex offered some long-cage versions of their derailleurs, such as the SLJ 5000 GT, which was listed as being able to handle a 14 - 34 freewheel with an 18t difference in chainrings, though it wouldn't shift that wide of a range as quickly or reliably as the much cheaper SunTour. Shimano's dropped (but not slanted) parallelogram touring derailleurs, like the Titlist GS, were rated with some pretty impressive capacity, and shifted somewhere in-between the better French derailleurs and the cheap-but-effective SunTour.

The DuoPar's stamped construction had that
Erector /Meccano set aesthetic that Huret became
known for. Little plastic cosmetic covers were easily
broken and lost (usually in that order). The extra
parallelogram moved the pulley cage up and down,
keeping a closer chain gap across wide-range freewheels.

In the interest of creating the best wide-range touring derailleur available, Huret came out with a completely new derailleur design in 1975 that used two independent parallelograms to move the pulley cage. The main parallelogram would move the cage laterally in and out, while a second unit would move the cage up and down to more closely track the steep profile of a wide-range freewheel. It was dubbed the Duopar -- as in "dual parallelogram."

Like many other Huret derailleurs, the Duopar sported stamped construction -- albeit stamped out of very expensive titanium. The main body bore a strong resemblance to their Challenger and Success models. Also, it had little plastic cosmetic covers that didn't really serve any functional purpose and could be easily broken off and lost. The exotic materials meant that the Duopar was priced out of reach for most people, so around 1981, a pressed steel version, called the Duopar Eco was released. The Duopar derailleurs were reported to be the best shifting touring units available -- capable of reliably shifting over 13 - 36 freewheels, and up to 27 tooth difference in chain wheels.

Three of Huret's touring derailleurs, with the official capacities listed.
Notice that the Super Allvit has nearly the same listed capacity as the Duopar,
but it's a pretty safe bet it would struggle with shifting over such a wide-range
freewheel. The Jubilee with its long cage still wouldn't handle that wide of
a range, and was too delicate for any heavy-duty touring use.

For some people, the Duopar was the ultimate touring derailleur. In a 1978 Bike World article, Sheldon Brown described the "new" Duopar as a real improvement in wide-range applications. Probably nobody had more glowing reviews of the Duopar than Frank Berto, who was a technical editor for Bicycling magazine in the 1980s. Berto had built a derailleur testing rig on which he evaluated hundreds of derailleurs during his tenure at the magazine. In his careful objective analysis, the Duopar outperformed every other touring derailleur -- even unseating the previously top-ranked SunTour VGT. In his history of derailleur-equipped bicycles, The Dancing Chain, he writes, "I used Duopars on most of my bicycles. It was my reference for evaluating other touring derailleurs. SunTour's derailleurs came close, but they would not shift onto the small sprockets as positively as the Duopar."

The very un-SunTour-like Trimec.
Spotted on eBay.

The glowing reviews of the Duopar meant that SunTour and Shimano both set about trying to outperform it. SunTour's first attempt was a so-faithful-it-was-scary copy called the Trimec, around 1981 or 82. I saw one on eBay once, and it bore almost no resemblance to SunTour's signature design. SunTour's next attempt to Out-Duopar-the-Duopar was the MounTech of 1982 (which soon expanded to a whole series of "Tech" derailleurs) which combined their patented slant-parallelogram design with an extra parallelogram to move the pulley cage up and down. Being too complicated for its own good, too fragile, and non-rebuildable, the original MounTech would be seen as a serious blow to SunTour's reputation. Even after correcting a fatal flaw in the MounTech's design (a poorly-engineered jockey pulley that would self-destruct), the complex design of the MounTech made it too prone to being bent or twisted out of alignment.

Shimano also came up with a Duopar-inspired variation in 1984 -- the Deore XT Superplate. It had Shimano's familiar drop parallelogram design along with a second parallelogram for Duopar-like vertical pulley cage movement. While it didn't end up hurting Shimano's reputation, it failed to catch on. When SunTour's patent on the slanted parallelogram expired, Shimano came out with a new version of the Deore that did for mountain bikes what the DuraAce 7400 SIS did for road bikes. The complicated Superplate was dropped quietly.

Not everyone raved about the Duopar. While Frank Berto swore by it, others swore at it. In his fascinating derailleur-collection website Disraeli Gears, Michael Sweatman writes, "I hated the Huret Duopar in much the same way that I hated the earlier Huret Allvit. . . It was a fragile design made up of easily bent flimsy plates. But most of all it worked fantastically when new - but in British conditions at least, it then wore out almost immediately." Surprisingly, a lot of early mountain bikes used the Duopar, mainly for its outrageous range. But it was a derailleur that, under the hard conditions of mountain biking, could end up hopelessly twisted and bent out of shape.

In the interest of disclosure, I've never used the Duopar. Too expensive and too complicated for my taste, especially when a SunTour would work well and had more than enough range for any riding I ever did. I had riding friends who used the Duopar, though. One saved up and dropped some serious money on one for his mountain bike (at a time when mountain bikes were still a pretty rare sight here in Ohio) despite my raised eyebrows. It suffered a tragic demise and was eventually replaced by a sturdy and reliable Deore XT (non-Superplate).

I've read that no derailleur, past or present, had the range and capacity of the Huret Duopar. Regardless, some loved it while others hated it. Used ones can be found at fairly decent prices nowadays in the vintage market, though I'd be hesitant to buy one used, considering the potential durability issues. Occasionally NOS examples come up on eBay with prices ranging from $150 - $250. Worth it? I guess it depends on whom you ask.

As a fan of traditional English-style saddlebags, I thought I'd pass along this bit of news from Carradice about their collaboration with Harris Tweed on a limited edition collection of bags.

There are nine Harris Tweed colors/patterns available on three different Carradice bags: the 9 litre Barley, the 3 litre Zip Roll, and the 1 litre Bingley bag. The little Bingley bag is a more recent addition to the Carradice lineup, meant to be mounted under a saddle, on the handlebars, or even carried on a strap. I use the 9 litre Barley and like it a lot -- if you don't need to carry a ton of stuff, or if you also have some panniers or a handlebar bag with which to distribute your load, it's a nice size.

The top flaps or "lids" of the bags, as well as the side pockets on the Barley bag, are covered in the tweed, but they are under-lined with the same cotton duck fabric of the regular bags so they maintain the same waterproofing characteristics the bags are known for.

Though some of the colors and patterns might be a little much for some tastes, they would definitely make a statement. Personally, I've long been partial to the simple utilitarian look of the classic bags, especially in olive green, and especially after it's faded and worn in a little with use -- or "beausage" for you Grant Petersen devotees. But on the right bike. . .

This "Flat Cap" pattern suits my taste pretty well.

See the full collection, and maybe even place an order on the Carradice website (see HERE). They are a limited edition, so when they're gone, they're gone.

Looking for fun holiday gifts for the cyclist in your life -- or even yourself?

House Industries, primarily known as a creator of fonts or typefaces, also offers a lot of funky items that share the company's groovy and offbeat design aesthetic, from art prints, to housewares, to bicycling accessories.

Several cap designs and colors are available.

Last year, House Ind. teamed up with framebuilding legend Richard Sachs to sponsor his cyclocross team and to produce jerseys and other cool bike-related items. They also updated the graphics on Sachs' bicycles. Since then, the line of bicycling items has grown to include caps, shirts, musettes, water bottles, and more. Even bicycle frames, complete bikes, and some components are available with the House Industries designs. Some component collaborations include Brooks leather saddles, Paul Components brakes, and T.A. Specialties cranks.

The frames, built by Waterford Precision Cycles in Wisconsin, are a light-touring or maybe randonneur-style frame, with tidy-looking lugged construction and True Temper Platinum OX tubing. The design is mostly retrogrouch-y, except that the top tube has just a bit of slope to it -- Rivendell-style. Built for Paul's brazed-on centerpull brakes, the bike has clearance for 38 mm tires with fenders. Price is $2500 for the frame and fork. Complete bikes are also available.

There are several funky designs and colors of musette bags. I like bags like this because they can be rolled or folded up and kept in a jersey pocket or a small saddlepack -- handy for use if I make an unplanned stop somewhere and find myself needing to carry an unexpected purchase.

Some pretty cool water bottles are available, too.

Check out the full collection of bicycle goodies at House Industries, or pass it along to someone who might be looking for gift ideas. I'm hoping my wife checks it out.

That artisan creator of some of the most beautiful hubs available today, Curtis Odom, has been at the drawing board working on a brand-new hubset that bridges classic and modern elements in a light, strong, beautiful, and serviceable package: at least temporarily known as the E13 Hubs. Though still in the design and computer rendering phase and not yet in production, the hubs look like they would look at home on just about any bike, old or new. Curtis was kind enough to share a sneak peek at what he's working on.

"The point of this hub is to bridge the gap to the rest of the cycling world, or at least more of it, but still retain some nice styling," Curtis told me. He added that the hubs would be a little lighter than some of his more retro-inspired hubs -- a "reasonable weight, but not ultra-weight weenie," he said.

From a technical standpoint, the bearings will really set these hubs apart from a lot of what's available currently. Curtis has designed these hubs around an "E-series" bearing, also known as "Magneto" bearings because of their use in Lucas racing magnetos on vintage racing motorcycles and cars. "It just so happens to be the same type of bearing used by Maxi-Car on their famous hubs," Odom said. Maxi-Car hubs, highly prized by cyclotourists for their smoothness and durability, used E9 and E10 bearings for their front and rear hubs, respectively. Those same E9 and E10 bearings have also been available as on option on Curtis Odom's current hub models. For clarification, the number represents the size in millimeters of the inside diameter of the bearing.

"A proper bearing for bicycle hubs"

But for these hubs, Odom has upped the size to 13 mm (E13) to increase durability. They will also have oversize aluminum axles to help save weight. Curtis describes the magneto bearings as an open angular contact bearing -- "a proper bearing for bicycle hubs!" he added. But another element is that the bearings are completely user-serviceable. Yes, that means occasional cleaning and re-greasing -- but it also bodes well for long life. From my retrogrouch-y perspective, I'll always choose serviceability over so-called "maintenance free."

It was a cool idea then, and still is.

Another well-thought out detail in the hubs is the thread-in dust caps. It's another element inspired by the classic Maxi-Cars -- but improved with a somewhat familiar "twist." The dust caps will have a reverse spiral machined into them that is designed to clear contaminates and water from the hub. Familiar? Yes, it's a trick borrowed from old Campagnolo bottom bracket cups. Curtis says he is also exploring some other types of non-contact seals to improve the life and performance of the new hubs.

Curtis is currently working on a couple versions of the hub, with some other variations possible. A light version for more "sporting" applications would be equipped with aluminum axles, semi low flanges, and an aluminum cassette body. A "rando" version would have steel axles, semi high flanges, and a titanium or steel cassette body. Solid "track nut" type axles might be a possible option for seriously heavy duty use. Curtis is considering other options, such as a disc-brake version if the demand is there. It is also likely that a track hub set would be built around the E13 bearings, which he says are ideal for the track. Would there be a version for thread-on freewheels? No plans for that at this time, as Odom gets so few orders for freewheel-type hubs as it is. Someone looking for hubs for a truly vintage bike might be more interested in some of the more traditional-styled Curtis Odom designs, anyhow.

For the time being, the hubs are un-named. Referring to them as the E13 is something of a "working title." Given that some of the inspiration seems to come from the classic Maxi-Car hubs, I think a name that somehow recalls that bit of design DNA might be appropriate. Any ideas on that?

There isn't info about the new hubs posted to the Curtis Odom website as of this writing, and some elements of the design may still change a bit before they become reality. Curtis says, "I am not to the point of making chips from bars of aluminum yet, but close." For someone looking for some great hubs that bridge the past and the present in a long-wearing, durable, and serviceable package, it may be worth keeping an eye out for these.

Thanks for the preview, Curtis!

As the next installment of the "Bike Safety 101" series, I'd like to give a synopsis of a vintage bicycle safety film that probably left its viewers with the following message: I like bikes, but why can't they just get the hell off the road and stay out of my way? In fact that's practically the title of this 1978 film, I Like Bikes, But . . ., produced for General Motors by Centron Films of Lawrence, Kansas. Centron produced approximately 100 educational films between 1947 and 1981, and was probably best known for their "social hygiene" films such as The Bully, The Snob, and The Trouble Maker -- although my personal favorite is the VD film The Innocent Party, in which Don loses his virginity to a "loose" girl from the city, then later discovers he has some kind of strange sore . . . down there.

I Like Bikes, But. . .

Perhaps the most condescendingly idealized car/bike image ever put on film. The car-bike love bump. When cars hit cyclists, it's because they love them.

If I had to guess, I'd say the intended audience of this film was not bicycle riders, but rather young Drivers' Education students working on getting their drivers license, hopeful that they'd never have to ride a bicycle again. The film combines live action scenes with cheap animation of a riderless bicycle named Ike -- who repeats again and again "I like bikes." Ike is presumably the narrator of the film, but throughout the whole thing we see Ike creating havoc and headaches for motorists everywhere he goes. For roughly the first 5 minutes of this 13 minute film, we see clip after clip of people of various ages riding bikes of practically every type -- including a unicycle and an obligatory "old timey" penny farthing.

The penny-farthing was a minor blip in the evolution of bicycles and basically extinct since the 1880s -- so why are some people unable to think of bicycles without picturing one?

Welcome back, Mr. Kotter. "I like bikes."

In the title sequence, a little kid falls off his bike in the road, almost disappearing under the bumper of a car . . .

. . . then the driver screams at kid for slowing him down. I like bikes?

From that point, the film focuses on little Lisa as she discovers bicycles. By the way, little Lisa was a toddler in the car above -- riding in the front without a safety seat -- thank you GM!

Lisa gets her first bike at age 5. "I like bikes."

Lisa at 10. "I like bikes."

Lisa at 15. "She likes bikes, but she loves cars."

Next the narrator asks "When Lisa gets her license, will she change her likes? Will she still like bikes?"

She's got her license now. . . .

Cue the music from a low-budget slasher film:

Her first night "solo" in the car, she runs over her bike! It's an incredibly appropriate metaphor in a society that sees cars as "real" transportation, and bicycles as toys for kids -- or maybe for "fringe-dwelling" adults who are too weird to drive.

At this point, it's more than 5 minutes into the 14 minute movie, and there's still been nothing of substance. But no, Lisa really doesn't seem to like bikes anymore. In fact, now that she's a driver, she's quickly discovering all the reasons why bicycles are so infuriating. The film goes on to give us all the reasons why drivers are basically justified in their anti-bike hostility. For one, they're so hard to see! Yeah - but if they were easier to see, then drivers wouldn't have that awesome "get out of jail free" card when they hit one. "I couldn't see him! He came out of nowhere!"

By the way, Ike the bike likes to rhyme:

I like bikes, but they're so hard to see. Oh yeah, they're so hard to see. Look at me! I blend with fog. I hide behind dogs. And when the thunder crashes, I'm out there makin' splashes. I lurk in drives. And when the sun gets in your eyes, Surprise! Oh yes I'm hard to see, so please watch out for me.

Here's one of those "hard to see" cyclists. Lisa narrowly avoids creaming him in the most wide-open, visible intersection in America.

Another "hard to see" cyclist almost gets doored by Lisa. Actually, the way she throws her door open, even with car traffic coming, she's lucky another car doesn't rip the thing off.

And then there's the fact that bicycles can crash so "easily.""A bike is easily upset," we are told -- and they're usually inconsiderate enough to do it in front of cars so they can be a real nuisance.

A bike is easily upset. You bet. It isn't only when I'm wet that I'm easily upset. Just let me try to travel on gravel. Or tangle my chain, or run across a roadway drain. Or fallen leaves. Sheesh! What a pain! Little things upset us!

Another inconsiderate cyclist wipes out on some slick pavement -- probably just to inconvenience drivers like Lisa.

And then, unlike cars and drivers who ALWAYS pay attention to where they're going and what they're doing -- those pesky cyclists never look where they're going.

Why can't we seem to notice that a sign beside the road was meant for us! The signs all point the way to accident prevention. Oh why oh why oh why can't we pay attention. Until the day we do, I'm afraid it's up to you.

An unruly mob of elementary school students cause chaos for drivers in the school zone. Again I ought to mention that you should pay attention, because sometimes we don't.

I like bikes. Gliding fancy free. I like bikes. They're number one with me. I like their style. They make me smile. They suit me to a T. But safety-wise please realize you NEVER should trust me.

Untrustworthy Bastards! Unlike a nice, trustworthy corporation like GM that would never put profits ahead of public safety, regardless of anything that commie Ralph Nader claimed.

Any Drivers' Ed students who watched this probably got their drivers licenses and never considered riding a bike again. I wonder how many of them followed Lisa's example and promptly ran over their bikes?

I Like Bikes, But . . . doesn't seem to be out there on YouTube. But I've tried uploading a copy of it here -- hopefully it works! Enjoy!

Serious vintage bike fans probably have fond memories of great old Holdsworth bikes of the past -- bikes with their wind-themed model names, like the Whirlwind, the Mistral, the Cyclone, and more. The classic orange and blue livery of the Holdsworth-Campagnolo pro team bikes of the 70s is still a favorite among a lot of retro bike fans.

With its classic orange and blue color scheme, along with
Reynolds tubing and lugged construction, the Professional
model recalls the vintage look of Holdsworth racers of the 70s.

By the 1980s, the Holdsworth brand was struggling and went through ownership changes resulting in a loss of its history and its status. Production left the U.K. and the brand gradually faded away into obscurity, just another of many trademarked names languishing in a portfolio. But recent news has it that the classic Holdsworth name is back -- on new vintage-inspired steel frames, and with plans to eventually bring production back to the U.K.

The British bike company Planet X, which focuses mainly on direct sales of decidedly non-retrogrouch-y bikes and components, has acquired the Holdsworth name from its previous owners, the Tandem Group. Planet X owner David Loughran told The Telegraph that he was negotiating a "close-out" sale of Taiwanese carbon fiber frames from the supplier and managed to get the Holdsworth name as part of the bargain.

The Mistral is listed as the touring model, with rack and
mudguard eyelets front and rear. However, with clearance
for tires "up to 28 mm" with fenders, it might not be the best
choice for serious long-distance touring.

The first batch of lugged steel frames seems to have a lot going for them from a retrogrouch perspective. With Reynolds steel, level top tubes, and classic-style paint schemes, the frames are currently being built by a "specialist workshop in Italy," though Loughran says his plan is to eventually move production back home to Britain. In the Telegraph article he says, "As a business owner it's one of my last goals to control our production from parts right the way through to end consumer, and do it in England from start to finish."

There has been some speculation among classic bike enthusiasts as to who exactly in Italy is building the frames currently -- but a look at the Planet X website, where the new frames are already available for purchase, one can see that the firm also sells a lugged steel frame from the Italian Viner brand, and I'd be willing to speculate that the same workshop could be brazing both brands, and perhaps a few other resurrected names as well.

The sport-touring Cyclone has chromed fleur-de-lis lugwork, a
classy vintage-inspired paint scheme, and chromed
stays and fork ends.

In any case, without seeing a frame up close, I'd say that the construction looks to be very nice and the details look "right." They definitely have that kind of retro-style that appeals to me.

There is a full range of models available -- the racing Professional, the sport-touring Cyclone, the touring Mistral (also available in a mixte configuration), and the Zephyr track model. Prices range from about £800 - 1200 ($1250 - $1900 at current exchange rates -- but don't forget to factor in shipping). Obviously more expensive than generic-looking welded frames, or even mass-produced lugged frames from Taiwan -- but not outrageous given what looks like nice workmanship and style.

Now that we see some of the new offerings from this vintage marque, how about a little history?

W.F. "Sandy" Holdsworth started the company bearing his name in the 1920s, originally selling cycling clothing and later accessories for riding. By the 1930s, the company was known for their "Aids To Happy Cycling" catalog which sold bicycling clothing and other products via mail order. They also had a handful of retail shops, the most well-known of which was in Putney, London.

The W.F. Holdsworth shop in Putney, was opened in 1927.
Roy Thame managed the shop from the 1950s until his death
in 2006. The shop closed its doors in 2013.

The Holdsworth company was building a few frames in the 1920s, but the framebuilding operations didn't really get going in earnest until the mid 1930s. Bill Rann, who had previously worked for F.H. Grubb, was the foreman. He was soon joined by Bill Hurlow, who would be widely regarded as one of the best British framebuilders of the post-war era. Another noted builder in the Holdsworth shop was Charles Roberts, who would later form his own eponymous company, known today as Roberts Cycles.

In the 1950s, Holdsworth purchased two other respected bicycle operations, F. H. Grubb and Claud Butler. Also in the 1950s, retired racer Roy Thame joined Holdsworth, and headed up special frame building operations, and later oversaw the company's competitive racing program. In the late 60s and through the '70s the Holdsworth-Campagnolo racing team, with Roy Thame as director, became one of the most dominant British teams of the era. Thame had also taken over management of the well-known Putney shop in 1958, which he managed until his death in 2006. That shop only just recently closed its doors in 2013.

After the death of W.F. Holdsworth in 1961, and the death of his wife Margaret in 1964, the shop operations and the factory operations became separate entities. That separation grew wider over the next decade and would eventually lead to some confusion between "shop" and "factory" product offerings.

By the late 1980s, the Holdsworth brand was flagging and was eventually purchased by Falcon Cycles. But the flood of cheaper Asian imports really hit the British industry hard as a whole, and eventually the various brands, like Holdsworth, Claud Butler, Falcon, and many others were swallowed up, taken over, transferred, etc. etc. until they bore no resemblance or connection to their former entities. And that brings us back to the beginning of this article -- when the Tandem Group, which was the most recent owner of the Holdsworth name, transferred it to Loughran of Planet X.

The first frame offerings from this new Holdsworth brand look promising to fans of classic-styled bicycles. Here's wishing them success.

After looking at the new frames from the resurrected Holdsworth brand, I thought I'd take a look at some other resurrected classics that are available now from memorable older brands. Like most bike companies today, these brands have made the shift mostly to carbon fiber frames -- most likely popped out of molds in Taiwan or China. But in an effort to recapture some semblance of heritage, they have come out with vintage-inspired lugged steel frames. Like the new Holdsworths, I believe these are brazed in workshops in Italy, rather than being mass produced in Asia. It's possible that some of them could even have been built in the very same workshop, as I don't think these companies are likely doing a lot of brazing themselves nowadays.

Checked out Bike Nashbar lately? Among all the inexpensive and generic-looking Nashbar-branded bikes and frames, right now one can find two very interesting vintage names on new lugged steel frames:

Guerciotti Record -- $999! There's a great old name that I remember well from my younger days -- known for some really beautifully made road racers. They also gained a lot of popularity for their cyclocross bikes (Italo Guerciotti was a champion cyclocross racer, though most of their cyclocross bikes were lugged aluminum frames built by ALAN). Built with Dedacciai ZeroUno steel, the bikes have internal brake cable routing through the top tube, and English-threaded bottom bracket and headset. I'm not crazy about the fork crown with its rounded shoulders -- but at least it isn't a welded unicrown. Available only in silver on the Nashbar site, it may be available from other sources in a variety of colors -- but that price is pretty good for a hand-built lugged steel frame. In doing some digging, I've found confirmation for my hunch that the Guerciotti family is not building these frames, but that they are built in an Italian workshop that specializes in building steel frames for several brands.

Ciocc San Cristobal -- $1599 (shown here in an awesome orange, but only available in black on the Nashbar site). I remember lusting after Ciocc bikes back in high school and college. The bikes I remember were known for tight geometry and X-Acto-like handling designed for American criterium racing. The Ciocc brand was created by Giovanni Pelizzoli in the late 60s, but the brand has changed ownership a few times since its inception. Beginning in the 90s, they started shifting first to aluminum, then later to carbon fiber, just like the rest of the industry. Recently, they have introduced their "vintage" line of lugged steel, though the company website isn't very specific about whether the frames are built in-house, or contracted out (I'm guessing the latter). Nevertheless, the workmanship looks quite nice. The new San Cristobal is made from Columbus Niobium SL tubing, has a 1" threaded fork steerer, and Italian threaded bottom bracket.

Not available from Nashbar, but another "resurrected" frame of interest, is the Pista Classica from Bianchi.

I doubt that Bianchi still has anyone brazing lugged frames in-house, having shifted most of their focus to carbon fiber, but the Pista Classica has a nice vintage look to it, with the familiar celeste paint with cream head tube and panel. They also offer the "regular" welded pista that is so popular with the urban fixie crowd -- but why would anyone get one of those when they could get this pretty piece of work? Ok, maybe it's the fact that at $850, the Classica frame costs as much as a complete welded pista bicycle, ready to ride. Then again, I know which one I would choose. One thing about the Classica that track-bike purists might notice is that the rear fork ends appear to follow the line of the chain stays rather than being purely level (as in, level with the top tube, or the ground). Most people probably wouldn't notice or care, as that's a convention that seems to fallen by the wayside. It's a trifling matter anyhow, and shouldn't detract from what is a nice looking frame.

I can only speculate as to why there has been this resurgence in popularity for lugged steel, but I can say that it's a development that I feel pretty good about. Maybe in this time of molded plastic, and boring welded frames, some people are finally looking for something that reflects a certain level of craftsmanship, or just a bit of aesthetic personality.

Yet another Kickstarter campaign is upon us which promises to improve the cycling experience by getting us connected through technology. The makers of COBI call it the "world's smartest connected biking system" and "the smartest way to upgrade your bike -- making every ride more rewarding and more fun."

And there's a video!

In it, we meet Andreas, the founder of this new startup.

"As an active surfer and mountain biker, I've always been fascinated by ideas that combine technology and design with sports."

Andreas has a problem with his bicycle -- and ultimately, I think his problem is going to have something to do with the fact that it isn't enough like a car.

"Whenever I look down at my handlebars, it seems that there is something wrong."

Hmm. . . could it be that his handlebars look a little like a mobile RadioShack?

"It wasn't an integrated and connected experience. . . It wasn't beautiful."

I have a suggestion. Just take some of that crap off the bars and leave it at home. But then, that wouldn't allow him to enjoy riding his bicycle as much. Apparently the "modern cyclist" can't enjoy a ride without being inundated with data, keeping up with text messages, tracking every little thing they do with social media, etc., etc. Honestly, some people don't seem to know they're alive if their experiences aren't posted on social media. Which brings to mind a philosophical question: If a Fred rides a bike but doesn't see his data on Strava, did he actually go for a ride?

Next, we hear from Carsten, the "Head of Brand Experience."

"So far we haven't seen an interface that matches the needs of the modern cyclist."

By the way, what the hell does a "Head of Brand Experience" do? Is that what we used to call "marketing"? And what exactly are the "needs of the modern cyclist"? What does COBI do that "makes every ride more rewarding and more fun"?

Just like a car that will remotely start for the driver, COBI will "start" your bike for you when you get near it with your cell phone. (Hey -- I'm just reporting it. I'm not making this up)

Yes, you might already have a weather app for your smartphone -- but apparently the COBI system has an "Enhanced Forecast" that chides you into riding. "The forecast is sunny. Hit the streets like a bolt!" Maybe it should also nag you about maintenance. "Hey PigPen, you haven't cleaned your chain for a while!"

So much for eliminating all the extra hardware from the handlebars - there's also a "thumb controller" that lets you scroll through all your on-screen options, so you can keep your eyes where they belong . . . on your cell phone! A particularly handy feature for urban riding.

Don't forget the ever-popular navigation system. . .

. . . built-in headlight, and an automatic brake light with turn signals . . .

. . . and a "custom bell" that issues a pathetic little "ding" from the cell phone.

Of course, there's also an anti-theft system that "only unlocks for you" and a "motion sensitive Theft Alarm" that "scares away thieves with its light and sound alert." Yes, because car alarms that go off in the middle of the night are truly effective at pissing off the neighbors even though they do little to keep determined car thieves at bay. A flashing, beeping bicycle is sure to strike terror into the dark souls of bike thieves. It just sounds laughable.

To be honest, I don't know how any of this is supposed to improve our riding experience and make it more rewarding, but again and again we have people telling us we need to be "connected" when we ride.

Want to know how to get "connected" with your bike and your ride experience? All you need is THIS:

The best way to be "connected" to your bike.

And THIS:

The best way to be "connected" to your ride experience . . .

(. . . or if you prefer, the "gooier" version.)

That's it. That's really all the "connectivity" you need for a rewarding bike ride. The rest is just a distraction.

My Retrogrouch-y Advice: Unplug once in a while. Just ride the damn bike.

As I was searching around for interesting, or unusual gift ideas for bicyclists, I happened upon something that I had assumed had disappeared a long time ago: die-cast miniature cyclists. Kids in an earlier era would collect the figures, stage miniature races, or even use them in bicycle-themed board games. Surprisingly, the little cast zinc figurines are still available, and still made by the same foundry in France where they have been made since the 1950s. It doesn't look like they've changed any since then either -- as the little riders all wear caps and no helmets.

Set up a miniature peloton.

The company that makes the little figures, Fonderie Roger, has been making die-cast lead, and later zinc (which the company calls "zamak") soldiers since the 1930s, later making little cowboys and Indians, and then in the 1950s, the bicycling figures. There used to be several foundries that made such toys around Europe, but Fonderie Roger is one of the last still making them.

Several poses are available.

Some are cast all in metal, while other versions have metal bicycles with plastic riders. The models are then hand painted -- and they look it. With little imperfections and little variations, each one looks slightly different from every other. And they are tiny -- each model measures typically no more than 5 cm. They come painted with Tour de France colors, like the mountain climber's polka-dot jersey, the sprinter's green jersey, and a yellow jersey. Also, there are national colors and world champion stripes.

The cycling figures are not cheap. Prices that I can find are typically listed in pounds or euros, but it seems to me that building a little mini-peloton would easily set a person back somewhere in the neighborhood of a hundred and fifty dollars or more!

The versions from Miniature Cyclists in Belgium appear to
be painted with a little more care and detail. They're a bit
pricier, too.

Cycling Souvenirs, which appears to be U.K.-based, sells the little figures for about £12 each. I've read that the figures come packed in a box marked "Little Cyclist. Handmade in France."Cycling Souvenirs sells lots of other cycling-themed gifts as well, including mini Tour de France road markers, team logo coffee cups, and more.

Another company, Miniature Cyclists in Belgium, sells the same Fonderie Roger figures, but they apparently purchase them unpainted from the foundry, then hand paint them in-house, with a bit more care and detail. Prices range from about €12 to €45 ($15 - $56!).

For more info about Fonderie Roger, check out their website which has a complete history of the family-owned company.

Why are we still hearing and reading the name of Dr. Michele Ferrari? And how on Earth does this guy still get to call himself "Doctor"?

"I feel obliged to once again deny the latest MEDIA
BULL$#!T with regards to my presence at the Astana team
training camp in Montecatini." Yeah - Whatever.

Ferrari's name is once again coming up in the latest news from bicycle racing, this time in association with a new Italian doping investigation that involves several European racers and teams -- including the Astana team (big surprise) which unfortunately is the team of the 2014 Tour de France Champion Vincenzo Nibali. Thankfully, Nibali is not among those individuals being investigated, but so far he's downplaying the reports of his team's association with Ferrari, and his statements to the press so far are that he's sticking with the team. To be honest, I don't know how much freedom a rider has to search elsewhere when he's under contract with another team -- but if he's smart, he'll put as much distance as possible between himself and anyone who's ever done so much as greet Ferrari with a casual "hello."

That teams and individuals are still meeting with Ferrari as recently as this past year (despite his worldwide lifetime ban from sports) really shouldn't come as a surprise -- even though the UCI would like us to believe that doping somehow began and ended with Lance Armstrong. There must still be plenty out there who believe the rewards are worth the risks. But associating with Ferrari? The guy has no business dealing with athletes, and should be treated as nothing less than toxic and deadly. He's Ebola.

(and don't misunderstand me -- I do not mean he's like a patient with Ebola. Those poor souls deserve all the care and compassion possible. NO. I mean, he's the actual disease. He's the VIRUS, and should be treated as such).

For his part, Ferrari denies the claims, referring to them as "media bull$#!t" but the fact is that this guy has absolutely no credibility. Widely known for his work with Lance Armstrong, Ferrari continued to deny (actually, he still denies) that he did anything to help Armstrong dope. Even after Armstrong finally admitted doping, he continued to suggest that Armstrong's racing results came from good ol' fashioned training and hard work.

More credibility issues.

As for the Astana team, their history is checkered going all the way back to the team's origins. The team was founded by some Kazakhstan businessmen to be the vehicle for noted Kazakh racer Alexandre Vinokourov. They took over the sponsorship of what had previously been the Liberty Seguros team from Spain, which was implicated in the Operation Puerto doping investigation in 2006. In the 2007 Tour de France, Vinokourov won a couple of stages, but then it was shown that he'd been transfusing someone else's blood. The result was that he and the entire team were ejected from the race. In 2008, team management was taken over by Johan Bruyneel, who has credibility issues himself, considering his associations with Ferrari and Armstrong. Bruyneel claimed to have cleaned things up at Astana, but the team was banned from the '08 Tour de France nevertheless. In 2010, Alberto Contador, riding with Astana, won the TdF, but was later stripped of his title when it was revealed that he'd tested positive for Clenbuterol.

Just after the conclusion of the 2014 TdF, in which Vincenzo Nibali seemed to dominate the competition, I wrote: "It's a shame that, in the 'Post Armstrong' era, people will question (are questioning) if Nibali raced clean. . . We've all seen the fairy tales, and we've seen how too many of them turned out. I want to believe it was a clean victory, but part of me waits for the other shoe to drop." Is the Padua investigation, in which it is alleged that Ferrari was working with as many as 17 members of the Astana team, the other shoe dropping?

In the latest developments, the UCI has decided to grant the Astana team its WorldTour license for 2015, though UCI President Brian Cookson said that pending the results of the Padua investigation, "they are very much under probation and scrutiny, and they won't be given another chance." How many chances have there been already? Way to get tough.

Until men like Michele Ferrari and the people who associate with him are truly treated like the viruses they are, professional bicycle racing is always going to have serious credibility problems.

Sorry to end the week on a bitter note.

So I was in the process of putting together a Retro-grouchy article on Walmart Fat Bikes when, taking a break to see what else is going on in the cycling blogosphere, I checked out today's BikeSnobNYC. Of course, BikeSnob is ripping Walmart Fat Bikes, and probably better than I would. Being routinely "scooped" by Froot-Loops-eating full-time bloggers with helper-monkeys and interns is one of the hazards of being only a part-time blogger who spends the rest of his time teaching high school English students to hate Beowulf and Macbeth a little less, while competing with their cell phones for their limited attention.

Since most Retrogrouch readers probably stop off at BSNYC before coming here, you've probably already seen it. If not, it's HERE.

and the fat bike in question:

Kinda takes away what little thunder my words were likely to have, but I had already begun, so with a half-hearted sigh, allow me to continue.

In one of my communications classes recently, I was talking about slang expressions, catch phrases, etc., and how these things, like any fashion or trend, have a finite life cycle. As popular as any catch phrase might be, I told them, at some point that phrase will fade away, never to be heard again except possibly in some ironic context, or perhaps a parody. Remember these? "Don't have a cow, man!""Where's the beef?" or "Whazzzuuup?" One thing I mentioned as a pretty good gauge of an expression's life span is to note when it finds its way onto a T-shirt at Walmart or any other cheap department store. Once you start seeing the trendy catchphrase on T-shirts, that's a pretty good sign that the thing has peaked and is on its way down (this coming from a guy who once owned a "Frankie Say RELAX" T-shirt). In no time at all, the T-shirts will be in the bargain bin at Goodwill, and using the expression will mark someone as hopelessly out of touch.

I think a similar measuring stick can be used with the fat bike trend. It seems like every brand out there now offers a fat bike. And the marketing cry of "You Need a Fat Bike!" is practically unavoidable now -- just like we need a gravel bike, and a cyclocross bike, and an urban fixie, a 29er, and a 27.5. Unfortunately, I don't really think I need a fat bike. People tell me "But you can ride on the beach! And over the snow!" Yeah. But I've never looked at a beach and thought to myself, "all I need now is a bike that I can ride over all this sand." And snow? Meh. I'm not saying it wouldn't be fun once in a long while -- but I've managed pretty well so far without one. Even here in Northeast Ohio, I think the real usefulness of the thing is pretty limited.

Spotted at Eurobike '14

Nevertheless, the trend -- the fad -- continues. But now that they're available at Walmart, with a 7-speed model for about $230, I think it's a pretty good sign that the fad has peaked. It's all downhill from here.

As another sign that some people out there have entirely too much money to spend is the fact that they now have fat bikes for kids. A 20" version is available from Walmart for $190. Specialized sells another version for about $1000. Give a Walmart fat bike to a kid and turn him (or her) off of cycling for good. That's just what a little beginner needs is a heavy, slow, slug of a bike to sap all the fun out of a ride. And $1000 for a kid's bike? Is Specialized (or their buyers) aware that most kids outgrow bikes before they even wear the little molding nubs off the tires? Seriously. Finding virtually unridden kids bikes on the used market is a breeze because kids outgrow their bikes so quickly. So a $1000 fat bike for a kid is sure to be money well spent.

Anyhow (despite the fact that my heart's not really in this post anymore), the way I see it, it's just another must-have trend designed to get existing bike owners to buy another bike, but now that the things are at Walmart, it might be a sign that fat bikes have "jumped the shark." Before long, riding one might be the bicycle equivalent of wearing that "Frankie Say RELAX" T-shirt.

Last week I looked at the COBI "connected" bike system, which is supposed to integrate your whole ride experience through your smart phone, making all your rides so much more rewarding and enjoyable. Of course, we all know how hard it is to enjoy a ride without obsessing over data, or being able to share it immediately on social media. But having to read all that data on the small screen of a smart phone (which I've always found impossible to see in bright daylight, anyhow) is so hopelessly retro, and not in the cool, ironic way. Fear not. Now you can go the full Geordi La Forge and get the Recon Jet heads-up display goggles:

The future is now.

Taking the concept of the Google glasses and applying it to cycling eyewear, the Recon Jet glasses connect wirelessly to all your bike's various sensors, and projects a display image in front of the rider's eyes with all the data anyone could ever desire (in other words, far more data than anyone really needs).

George Hincapie is plugging them.

Recon Instruments touts the Jet glasses as "the world's most advanced wearable computer." The on-board computer boasts a dual core CPU as well as GPS with built-in gyroscope, accelerometer, magnetometer, altimeter, and thermometer. The goggles also incorporate WiFi, Bluetooth, and Ant+ connectivity for smartphones, heart rate monitors, power meters, and all the other crap people feel compelled to strap onto their bodies and bikes. On top of it all, they of course have a built in HD camera with microphone so that people can capture every moment of their ride to be shared instantly on social media.

Don't let me forget the most important feature of all, which is the heads-up display, which projects a virtual image in front of the rider's eyes. Recon claims that the image appears virtually as a wide screen 30-in. HD display at 7 feet.

All that data just has to make you faster, doesn't it? I mean, if you're not tracking every watt of power, every minuscule change in heart rate and VO2, or everything else the sensors are supposed to measure for you, then you're not making the most of your ride -- and then what's the point? You're just riding your bike, and what good is that? Seriously, I think that's the message here. So naturally, the Recon Jet glasses are hyped as the "secret weapon" that will turn everyone into a winner.

Track more data -- and you're practically guaranteed to be a winner.

One thing I can't help but wonder is how many cyclists scrolling through all their sensor readouts and data -- whether it's displayed on a bar-mounted smartphone, or if it's projected in front of their eyes with these virtual reality goggles -- are increasing their likelihood of being creamed by an SUV (whose driver is probably also scanning a smartphone) because it's taking their attention away from their actual surroundings. I'm sure the makers of Recon Jet will say their heads-up display is safer because the image is projected out in front of the rider, keeping his/her eyes in front. But my well-educated hunch is that it isn't really a question of where the rider's eyes are pointed, but more a question of what his/her brain is focused on.

Studies on cell phone use while driving have shown that there is very little difference between using a handheld cell phone and a hands free version. The problem with distracted driving isn't the type of device a person is using, but rather it is an issue of the brain's ability to focus. A person talking on the phone, regardless of the type of device, suffers from something researchers have dubbed "inattention blindness." What it means is that a person focusing on a call can be looking right at something -- brake lights, pedestrians, or cyclists -- and not see them. I'm not aware of studies that specifically explore this question of heads-up displays, but it seems to me that the existing studies on cell phones and driving have a good deal of relevance to the matter. It doesn't seem like a stretch to assume that focusing the brain's attention on all that data, and reading any kind of digital display, affects a person's reactions to the rapidly developing dangers that crop up while we're on the roads -- whether commuting, training, or just out for an enjoyable ride.

Once again, it's another example of information overload. Do we really need all that data to ride a bike? Does it really make a ride more enjoyable? More rewarding?

In my work as a teacher, the biggest change I've seen in the past 20+ years has nothing to do with the subject matter, or teaching techniques and strategies, or even in the laws that govern education -- but rather in the push for more data. We are now asked relentlessly, "Where's your data?""How are you measuring student growth?" Keep in mind that we're being asked to measure things that aren't easily defined, much less measured. Ultimately the "best" teachers today are not necessarily the best at imparting knowledge, or reaching students, or inspiring them, but rather, by who is best at producing data. Seriously, I get enough of it at work -- the last thing I want to do is plug in and ruin my bike rides. I haven't even used the most basic bike computer, like one that simply measures speed and distance, in about 10 years. Yeah, sometimes, after exploring a new route, I'll find myself wondering how far I've gone -- though not enough to bother hooking up another computer.

I know I'm repeating myself here, but I'll say it again. Unplug once in a while. Just ride the damn bike.

In the late 1880s, shortly after the invention of the bicycle as we know it, with its chain drive and wheels of roughly equal size, John Boyd Dunlop invented the pneumatic tire -- which (Saint) Sheldon Brown once referred to as "probably the most revolutionary and important invention to come out of the bicycle industry." Ever since then, for the past 125 years or so, solid or airless tires for bicycles, motorcycles, cars, and more, have essentially been rendered obsolete. That doesn't stop people from trying to revive them every couple of decades, though.

Right now, we seem to be in another one of those periods where a flurry of startups and "innovators" are convinced they have finally found the ultimate improvement on the pneumatic tire -- and they'd like to convince us, too.

A couple of years ago, the well-known Hutchinson brand came out with its Serenity line of airless tires. These are actually a relatively normal tough-casing "urban" clincher tire with a closed-cell "foam" rubber insert that replaces the typical inner tube. The tire is claimed to offer a ride similar to that of a "normal" tire inflated to about 60psi (more or less, depending on which sources one believes). The company also claims a life expectancy of about 8000 miles, which makes me wonder what kind of tread compound and thickness they're using, but that's neither here nor there. I find it more notable that the tires are significantly heavier than comparable pneumatic versions, and while I haven't seen any specific test results on their rolling resistance, I've read several "first impressions" that speak of them as feeling more sluggish than "normal" tires. Jan Heine, when are you going to do a head-to-head comparison between these new solid tires and your old-fashioned, retro-grouchy pneumatic tires?

The Serenity tires spawned a Kickstarter campaign back in the spring, too, as the @cme Flat Free Wheels. The idea came about because the airless tires are so notoriously difficult to install, that @cme's founder, Steve Boehmke, decided to offer the tires pre-mounted to wheelsets that people could buy, ready-to-ride. I pointed out in an April Retrogrouch post that I thought it was a little disingenuous that the @cme Kickstarter promotion made it sound almost as though they had invented the airless tires, rather than just mounting them to pre-built wheels, which is something any decent bike shop should be able to do for a person.

The Tannus Tires come in "various funky colors."

Another, more recent entry to the solid tire fray comes from Tannus Tires of Korea. Rather than being a foam insert like the Hutchinson Serenity, the Tannus tires are fully molded polymer foam tires that the company claims will "compete with" regular pneumatic tires. Tannus also offers their airless tires in "various funky colors" (that's right off their website, tannus.co.uk). They come in "soft" and "hard" formulations, to imitate pneumatic tire pressures of roughly 90 psi and 110 psi respectively. They have recently been introduced in the U.K., though I'm still waiting (nahhh, not really) to see if they're coming to the U.S.A. Tannus has big plans for them, hoping to eventually get their tires into the Tour de France. Yeah, that's likely to happen.

The obligatory "sharp objects" photo.

In order to keep the molded tires from rolling off the rim, the company has devised a mounting system that utilizes little plastic pins placed every couple of inches around the tire's "bead." Those pins snap into place under the hook edges of the clincher rim. Having exactly the right rim dimensions is important. Tannus has videos on their site showing how "easy" installation and removal are supposed to be. How easy? So easy that they have the following disclaimer: "It is not recommended for consumers to mount them by themselves. Please inquire your local retail store for installation."

Removal looks even easier. . .

Not exactly "normal" tire tools, are they?

Pry the tire back with the pliers, then dig around with the heavy-duty shop snippers to cut the pins.

Thankfully, one shouldn't need to do this on the road. Sheeesh.

There was another flurry of activity in airless tires back in the early 80s. I dug out the old magazine archives and found an article in the June 1983 Bicycling about a bunch of airless tires and tubes that were making the same kinds of claims being made today by these newer entries. The products tested included airless tubes with names like No-Mor Flats, and the Eliminator. No-Mor Flats was like an extra-thick-walled inner tube (not pressurized, however) with a hollow core. The Eliminator was a stiff, hollow core elastomer. Testers found them difficult to install, requiring extra levers and plenty of strength. No-Mor Flats was several times heavier than a normal tire, while the Eliminator was "only" a little more than double the weight. There were also airless tubes and tires from Zeus LCM that sounded pretty similar to the Hutchinson and Tannus tire systems of today, with their closed-cell polyurethane foam construction. Again, testers found them to be heavy and a pain to install.

One of the 80s versions of the airless tube, the Eliminator.

Worse than weight and installation difficulties, these airless tubes and tires had a much harsher ride, and considerably more rolling resistance than pneumatic tires. While I mentioned that I haven't seen any detailed comparisons with the latest market entries, the Bicycling tests in 1983 showed that the "best" of the airless systems at the time, the Zeus airless tire, only rolled about 60% as far as a comparable inflatable tire. The worst of the systems only rolled about 30% as far as the comparable pneumatic tire. Considering that the newer systems don't seem to be significantly different from the early 80s offerings, I have a hard time imagining that any of these new offerings today would be serious improvements.

Again, I turn to Sheldon Brown: "Airless tires have been obsolete for over a century, but crackpot 'inventors' keep trying to bring them back. They are heavy, slow, and give a harsh ride. They are also likely to cause wheel damage due to their poor cushioning ability. A pneumatic tire uses all of the air in the whole tube as a shock absorber, while foam-type 'airless' tires/tubes only use the air in the immediate area of impact. . . My advice is to avoid this long-obsolete system." Brown wrote that at least fifteen years ago, but I am certain it is no less true today.

Although the makers of some of these new airless tires would like us to think they've created the breakthrough that will make traditional pneumatic tires obsolete, I doubt they will be any more successful than previous attempts. Don't expect to be getting rid of your tire pumps any time soon.

I don't think any movie title could sum up American attitudes towards the role of bicycles better than Sid Davis's 1969 bike safety film, Bicycle Today, Automobile Tomorrow. Though not nearly as scolding in its tone as Davis'sThe Bicycle Clown of 1958, it still reflects plenty on the ultra-conformist mindset of its creator (who was probably far more comfortable with his world in 1958 than he was in 1969), while underscoring the idea that a bicycle is nothing more than a stepping stone to automobile ownership.

In the opening sequence of the film, we see a helicopter preparing for takeoff, while a motorcycle officer pulls up to the scene with a kid on a bicycle following close behind. The boy and the officer wave to the pilot and watch him lift off. The actual point of the scene isn't particularly clear (after all, the film's title is Bicycle Today, Automobile Tomorrow -- not Helicopter), until the mono-tonal narrator asks rhetorically, "What do the helicopter pilot, the motorcycle rider, and the bicycle rider have in common?" Though it sounds like the setup of a bad joke and we almost expect an equally bad punch line, the narrator quickly tells us, "The answer is quite simple. They have two main responsibilities. First, they must make sure their machines are in perfect mechanical condition at all times." Oddly enough, that was not the answer I was waiting for. Then again, the same could be said of almost anything involving equipment that can impact our health or safety. Try it. Automobile driver. Scuba diver. Sky diver. Power boater. Surgeon. Lathe operator. Miner. . .

Regardless of the opening message, the next scene of the film gives the most incomplete history of the bicycle ever set down in film, ultimately rendering it as even more irrelevant than the opening sequence:

"The bicycle is about 150 years old today. Its ancestor, the hobby horse, was propelled by kicking the ground with both feet."

That's it. That's the end of the history lesson. First there was a thing called a hobby horse. Now you have a bike. That's all you need to know, because when you turn 16, you'll get your driver's license and never look back again.

The next sequence takes us back to that statement about making sure our equipment is in good mechanical condition. The film shows the boy going over his bike, making adjustments and performing basic maintenance. It's mostly pretty basic stuff. Make sure your saddle is adjusted correctly and tightened. Make sure handlebars are positioned well and tightened securely. Horn or bell should be audible from at least 100 feet. A headlight is needed for night-time riding, and should be visible from at least 500 feet in the dark. "Remember, a well-kept bicycle is a safe bicycle."

"One of the most important things to check is your brake, whether it is a hand-brake or a coaster brake. Always make sure it is properly adjusted."

"Your chain is your power transmission. Keep it clean by washing it with kerosene. Oil the links frequently. And keep it at the right tension. Not too tight. Just enough to keep it from jumping off the sprockets. A slipping chain can easily cause injury to the rider."

"Be sure all the spokes of the wheel are tight. And replace broken ones at once. Missing or loose spokes can cause damage to the rim and be dangerous." There's no mention about keeping spoke tension even, so I'd expect lots of well-meaning kids to end up with out-of-true, out-of-round wheels after watching this film.

Well, that pretty well covers the first thing the helicopter pilot, the motorcycle rider, and the bicycle rider have in common -- safety and maintenance. What's the second thing?

"The second thing common to the motorcycle rider and the bicycle rider is that they should know the rules and traffic laws that must be followed before riding on the streets." Notice that the helicopter from the opening scene was so irrelevant to the rest of the film that even the director already forgot about it. Of course, helicopters don't operate on the streets -- which is yet another reason why the first scene was irrelevant. I'm almost convinced that Davis just had some footage of a helicopter taking off and figured it would be a waste not to use it.

From here, we see the kid on the bike following the motorcycle officer all over town like some kind of hero-worshiper or puppy. First, to watch the police motorcycle brigades practice riding in formation. Once again, basically irrelevant -- but Davis never missed an opportunity to showcase the police looking their best.

Next comes a litany of safety advice for riding. When it comes to riding on the streets and sharing them with car traffic, I have some mixed feelings about the advice given in the film. Some of the advice reflects the time period when the film was made and therefore seems less-than-ideal today. Some of the advice would be unnecessarily tedious in practice -- and some would probably make a person more likely to get hurt or even killed.

Before going into a review of the basic hand-signals used in traffic (all done with the left hand -- car-style -- though that was common advice back then), a group of kids are shown "properly" riding to the far right side of the road, ducking all the way to the curb edge between parked cars then coming back out into the traffic lane to get around the cars. Bad idea.

"If it is necessary to make a left turn at a busy intersection, get off your bike and wait for a green light. Look to the left, and to the right, and to the rear, before walking your bicycle across the street, and wait there to cross to the left side." OK advice for young kids, I suppose, but awfully tedious.

"If there are cars parked on the street on which you are riding, always watch for car doors being opened, or automobiles pulling out into traffic." Good advice, for sure -- but notice that there is no mention about riding a little further to the left, keeping out of the "door zone" altogether. Of course, the idea that bicycles should "take the lane" for their safety was still a few years off at this point. Bikes belong as far to the right as possible -- out of the way of the car drivers.

"Cross street-car tracks with caution, and at an angle so as not to catch your wheels in the ruts." A good bit of advice, so no complaints from me here.

"This is where the police department keeps the bicycles that are lost. But there's an easy way for you to keep your bicycle from ending up here should it ever be lost or stolen. You can license and register your bicycle, just like the licensing of an automobile."

"A license is cheap insurance, and helps the police to find and return lost or stolen bicycles." Yeah, sure -- just keep believing in that.

"When you leave your bicycle parked anywhere, be sure you have a lock on it." We then see probably the lightest duty chain and combination lock possible -- wrapped through the back wheel and rear triangle, but not actually locked to anything. Was it naivete, or just a happier, simpler time?

And here we have it -- the money shot. If you ask me, the whole film builds up to this heavily symbolic moment as a bicycle is crushed under the wheels of a car. "Always park your bicycle in a safe place. Never leave it in a driveway, or you may not be able to enjoy your bicycle for long!" That's right. Driveways are only for cars -- and one can't expect drivers to actually look where they're going when backing up.

In the end, as the motorcycle officer leads the kid to the end of their tour, Davis summarizes the points of his film, and it's here where his typical judgmental tone comes forward:

"The good bike rider is easy to recognize. He makes sure his bicycle is always in perfect mechanical condition. He learns how to ride and knows all the bicycle rules and traffic laws before riding on the streets. He rides on the right side of the street and doesn't speed, or stunt, or take foolish chances. He shows extra care in traffic, especially at busy intersections. He is considerate of pedestrians. And he always locks his bicycle. Keep in mind what you have learned here with the motorcycle officer about bicycles. Try to reflect credit on yourself, your parents, your school, and your community. Remember, the bicycle rider of today is the automobile driver of tomorrow."

That's right kids -- how you ride your bike is a reflection on your parents, school, and community. Hell, why stop there? Why not add God, Country, Democracy, and Capitalism while we're at it?

For a Sid Davis film, this one is not as dark, nor quite as overbearing as the films he is so well-known for. Nobody gets killed, maimed, or permanently disabled for being a "wise guy." But the message is pretty clear that riding a bike is really just a trial run at eventual automobile ownership, and the undercurrent of conformity is still there, especially in the film's closing words.

You can watch Bicycle Today, Automobile Tomorrow right here. Enjoy!

What was the best Christmas present you ever received? Cast your memory back to all those Christmas trees, stretching back through your childhood, and think of the presents wrapped underneath. Which gifts were the most exciting? What stands out above the rest?

A Ghost of Christmas Past.

If you're anything like me, and even if you're not so much like me, chances are, one of the most memorable was a bicycle. In that classic Christmas film, A Christmas Story, little Ralphie wished desperately for a Red Rider BB Gun. But I think for a lot of kids, over a lot of generations, a new bike was the ultimate Christmas present. Shiny new paint. Gleaming chrome. Carefully wrapped, or maybe just decked with a few eye-catching ribbons and bows, the sight of a brand new bicycle beside the tree was guaranteed excitement. It was like a gift of freedom and mobility in a beautiful, two-wheeled package. What kid didn't put a bicycle on the top of their Christmas list at least once in their lifetime? For some Retrogrouch readers, I'll bet a brand new, gleaming bicycle would still be a wish-list topper, and the source of a lot of excitement if one actually showed up under the tree.

Even for people who haven't ridden a bike since getting their first driver's license (however many years or decades may have passed since then) I think it's pretty significant that even many of them once experienced that kind of joy and excitement for a new bike at Christmas. If only there were some way to remind them of that. It says a lot about the bicycle that it is held (or at least was) in such high regard by so many people that it was once the stuff of their dreams.

I wonder if kids today hold a bicycle to that same level of enthusiasm? Or do they now just wish for battery-powered, drivable little SUVs? New smart phones and video game systems? I wonder.

Whether you get a new bike for Christmas this year, or just wish for one while you lavish attention on the bike (or bikes) you have, I hope you have a Merry Christmas.

While much of the country was out returning gifts and taking advantage of big sales on this day after Christmas (known as Boxing Day to those in the U.K., Australia, Canada, and a few other former British colonies) I was out for a good bike ride -- something that has become a bit of a tradition with me for the past 30 years or so. I don't get to do it every year, since it's a very weather-dependant tradition, but I manage it more often than one might expect considering that I live in Northeast Ohio. We frequently get a brief warming trend right around Christmas that lets me get out for a ride. Today the temperatures were in the upper 40s, and the sun was shining bright, making for a nearly ideal Boxing Day ride.

Fans of the blues-rock duo The Black Keys might recognize
this little gas station which served as the backdrop for some
of the band's album art photos.

Heading north from Akron, I rode down the roads that skirt alongside the banks of the Cuyahoga River and pass through the Cuyahoga Valley National Park -- which is kind of a NE Ohio bicycling Mecca. As nice as it was, I was surprised not to see many other cyclists on the road. There wasn't a lot of car traffic, either, which made the ride even better.

I took my Rivendell Long-Low for this ride since it seemed like the perfect riding partner for today. We had quite a bit of rain the last couple of days, so I figured a bike with fenders would be a good choice (I was right). I also didn't need to carry much with me, and the Riv is currently unencumbered with racks or bags apart from a little "banana bag" seat-pack. The bike has such a nice comfortable ride, and I'd describe the handling as light and sprightly. I have bikes that weigh a good bit less than the Rivendell, but on the road the bike feels lighter than it is.

The Black Keys made the little
garage something of an icon.

At my half-way point, I was in the town of Boston, in the heart of the CVNP. The town is one of the oldest in Summit County, but barely exists anymore as anything more than a rest stop for bicyclists and pedestrians on the Ohio & Erie Canal Towpath. I snapped a couple photos of my bike in front of an old gas station that hasn't operated for years, but is kept preserved as much for its picturesque qualities as anything else. Fun fact about the station is that the blues-rock duo The Black Keys used it as the backdrop for some album art photos some years back. The band used to call Akron their home until a few years ago when both members moved to be closer to the centers of the music industry.

This old gas station has been closed for quite a while. How long?
The price on the old pumps is listed in "cents per gallon"
and can't go above 99.9 cents. It's Pure Pep!

After that brief photo opportunity, I found my way to a rest area for the Towpath Trail. Again, I took another picture in front of an old general store that now serves as a visitor center. For the next two or three miles, I followed the Towpath to the little village of Peninsula. I was glad to have the fenders on my bike since parts of the path were a mucky, muddy mess after the recent rains. Once I got to Peninsula, I returned to the roads. Compared to Boston, Peninsula is practically a thriving metropolis, with not one but two open restaurants and a good bike shop.

As I exited the Towpath in Peninsula, I encountered another rider who had been on the path, covered in mud, and with that signature wet muddy stripe up his back. Once again, I was glad for fenders.

An old general store, now a visitor center for the Towpath.

Though I didn't ride particularly far -- only about 26 miles -- by the time I got home, the shadows were lengthening and the sun was starting to get low and in my eyes. The winter solstice was just this past Sunday, so obviously the days are still about as short as they get. Arriving home, a hot shower felt good.

The ride today reminded me a little of one of my first after-Christmas rides about 30 years ago. On that day, temperatures got up into the upper 50s (at least) despite the fact that we had gotten quite a bit of snow during the days before Christmas. It was such an anomaly to be dressed for spring-like weather when the ground all around was still covered in snow, and icicles hung from rooftops. On that ride, I'll never forget how I had found a package on the side of the road, neatly wrapped in foil and lovingly tied with a Christmassy ribbon and bow -- I could only assume it had been unceremoniously pitched out the window of a passing car the night before. I opened up the package and discovered that it was a fruit cake. Still makes me laugh. Christmas season rides have become a regular occurrence for me ever since, and I still keep my eyes peeled for discarded fruit cake.

So, why is it called Boxing Day? Traditionally in Britain, the day after Christmas was when people would give a gift or gratuity, often called a "Christmas Box" to various types of servants, such as postmen, errand boys, and people in certain other sorts of service trades. I suppose in today's society, it would be the traditional time to give a gift to your mail man. Here in the U.S. where the day after Christmas is another big shopping day, perhaps second only to "Black Friday," I imagine a lot of people assume that "Boxing Day" means boxing up the gifts we don't want and returning them to the mall to get something we really want.

I like my tradition better.

Stories like this really get me upset.

Baltimore area framebuilder Tom Palermo, aged 41, was struck and killed by a car Saturday while he was riding his bicycle. Tom was a husband and father of young children. I've seen some of Tom's beautiful bicycle framebuilding work, though I'd never met him personally -- but from everything I've heard from those who knew him, it sounds like he was a really great guy. Dale Brown, of the Classic Rendezvous group, called Tom "truly one of the nicest guys in cycling."

Tom with his daughter. (Photo from the Bikemore blog)

The driver of the vehicle that struck Tom, an Episcopalian Bishop named Heather Cook, initially fled the scene, leaving him to die in the street. After being pursued by other cyclists who were able to get at least a partial ID of the car and license plate, she did eventually return to the scene. The incident is still being investigated, and at this point it hasn't been revealed whether or not alcohol was involved, but some of the media reports indicate that Cook has a record of DUI in the past. The Baltimore Sun reported that "police would confer with prosecutors about whether charges would be filed."

Unfortunately, a terrible truth for all of us cyclists is that there is far too often an "accidents will happen" mindset in our justice system, so the drivers who maim and kill cyclists rarely see any kind of criminal charges, or those charges are so watered down as to be rendered meaningless. Police, prosecutors, and grand juries, being primarily motorists themselves, are much more likely to identify with the drivers in these incidents -- and thereby take the attitude that the cyclists took their lives into their own hands simply by riding in the streets.

And yet the driver left the scene.

Even such extenuating factors as distracted driving, excessive speed, driving under the influence, or even fleeing the scene of the crime (sorry, but once the driver flees, I refuse to call it an "accident") rarely seem to count against the drivers who kill cyclists. In this case, with the driver being a notable bishop (the No. 2 official in the Episcopal Diocese of Maryland), it seems unlikely to me that serious charges would be raised against her, regardless of the other circumstances of the case that may come to light. Maybe I'll be proven wrong. Who knows?

There is currently an effort from friends, family, and other cyclists to encourage the prosecutors on the case to pursue homicide charges against Cook. You find some info about that on Facebook. There are some nice photos of Tom with his family on the site.

More info about the incident can be found HERE and HERE.

Tom Palermo got his start building bicycles with the Proteus Bike Shop in College Park, Maryland, which is where a number of other builders got started. Some of Tom's framebuilding work can be seen at his website. He was a talented guy. But the real tragedy of this story is that his young children have lost their father -- and nothing can change that.

Will there be justice for Tom?

On this, the last day of 2014, I thought it might be fun to look at some of the top "innovations" from the past year -- and where better to find them than to search Gizmag site, where there is never a shortage of questionable concept bikes and accessories posing as real breakthroughs. According to Gizmag, these are "examples of what happens when people dare to try something different . . . and that sort of spirit is the reason why we're not still all riding penny farthings." Unfortunately, real improvements are hard to come by, which is why a lot of this stuff is probably already DOA.

First of all, there's nothing more innovative than digging up an idea that's been resurrected several times since it first saw the light of day in the 1880s -- the lever-drive, or "treadle" mechanism. Here we see it as the Hank Direct Bike from the Korean company Bygen. In addition to its lever-drive system, it also features a telescoping frame that allows it to be packed away more compactly for storage -- which is good, because that's likely where the bike would spend most of its time.

An American Star Bicycle (photo
from Wikipedia)

The lever-drive bicycle goes back at least to the American Star bicycle, which was an early alternative to the penny farthing. Needless to say, it didn't catch on. The most recent retread of the idea to gain much attention was the Alenax bicycle of the 1980s, but it too went nowhere. There is a bit of info about the Alenax on (Saint) Sheldon Brown's site, where Jobst Brandt called it "a great example of an outsider inventing a solution to a perceived problem, creating something that is useless for the intended user." I don't see the Hank Direct Bike as being any better.

Next comes the Nuseti sealed drivetrain mountain bike. According to Gizmag, "there's no denying that belt drives are quieter and less grimy than chains" (though for some reason that doesn't stop me from questioning their superiority). But the makers of the Nuseti still believe that chains are the "sturdier, more efficient way to go." So then they go and make a chain-drive bicycle, but do everything they can to reduce that efficiency. First, they seal the chain inside the frame and have it in an oil bath (so if one everdoes need to repair or replace the chain, it'll be a nice simple project). Then they run it through a bottom-bracket-mounted planetary gearbox. Oddly enough, the planetary gearbox inside the bottom bracket is another idea that goes back a century or so, and never really caught on -- mainly because they don't match the efficiency of the chain and derailleur systems that have become the de-facto standard for multi-speed bicycles. That's not to say that internal-geared systems (like hub gears) don't have their proponents even today, but even the best of them have comparatively reduced efficiency. The Nuseti is unlikely to see production, as their Kickstarter campaign failed to meet funding goals.

Then there is the SoftWheel Fluent suspension wheel. I've never been convinced that suspension for bicycles is all it's cracked up to be, and this doesn't change my mind. The Fluent suspension system is different from most in that it puts the shock absorption into the wheel itself instead of the frame. This takes the lightweight, simple, beautiful, and structurally marvelous bicycle wheel and makes it a heavy, complicated mess that might work OK when new, but is likely to develop all kinds of problems with extended use. Not only that, but it the wheels sell for about $2000 a pair!

The smart lock for smart bikes and smart phones. All to
make up for the fact that many people just aren't that smart

"Smart" bikes that integrate with smart phones are all the rage apparently -- and how better to lock up those bikes than with Skylock solar-powered bicycle lock? That's right, key-operated mechanical locks are now Retrogrouch technology. The Skylock works with the user's smartphone to unlock at the touch of an on-screen button on the phone, or even when the user gets within close proximity to the lock. And yes, it's battery powered, but don't worry about dead batteries leaving you stranded, because the solar panel on the lock will keep it charged up. The lock also detects crashes and theft attempts and sends a signal to the user's phone. Brilliant!

Combine unrecognized hand signals with feeble flashing
lights to confuse drivers more than they already are.

For those who fear that hand signals just aren't effective enough for alerting drivers to our intentions, the Zackees turn signal gloves will give drivers another feeble little flashing light to confuse them further. Even in the photo that supposedly shows how effective the turn signal gloves are, I have a hard time distinguishing between the turn signal and the other lights that are in the distance ahead of the rider. Not only that, but what hand signal is that rider using, with her right hand out and her elbow at 45 degrees? Also, if this rider is concerned about visibility, why is she wearing dark blue clothing while out riding at dusk? Sorry -- more gimmick than innovation.

Some "honorable mentions" for top innovations include the Maynooth Bike, which has a bizarre "linear drive" mechanism with pedals that move up and down the front forks, and the MC2, which is basically a mini penny farthing with internal hub gears and disc brakes.

The Maynooth has chopper-like forks with a bizarre "linear drive."
Push those pedals up and down the forks.

This is "what happens when people dare to try something different. . . and that sort of spirit is the reason why we're not still all riding penny farthings." Er, um. . .

Well, there you have it. Some of the top innovations of 2014. Can't wait to see what 2015 has in store for us. Happy New Year!

Baltimore area framebuilder Tom Palermo was killed while bicycling on Saturday, Dec. 27th, when he was struck from behind by a car that fled the scene. Though the driver, an Episcopalian Bishop named Heather Cook, did eventually come forward, it was too late for Tom. I mentioned in my recent article about the incident that Tom had two young children who are now left fatherless. As a father of two young ones myself, I believe that is the worst part of this tragedy.

While it is unclear so far as to what will be done by the legal system to seek justice for Tom's death, the bicycling community has been pulling together to help his family. A fund has been set up on YouCaring.com, and after only a couple of days, has come close to meeting its fundraising goals.

A number of people, including fellow framebuilders and bicycle enthusiasts on the Classic Rendezvous group have been selling bicycle parts and donating the proceeds to Tom's family. Certainly, if any Retrogrouch readers are so moved, don't hesitate to visit the YouCaring site to make a donation.

Another project of a different sort has been started by framebuilder Chris Bishop -- to compile pictures and stories about Tom's work to serve as something of a tribute for his children, to let them understand what their father did, and how much he meant to people in the bicycling community.

Chris writes, "Tom was a great guy, always warm. He loved his family immensely, something I got to see firsthand when I visited his house. We may not be able to bring Tom back to his kids, but we have an opportunity to create something for his wife and kids, who are too young now to really understand, to show them what he accomplished as a framebuilder. My wife and I have decided that a book might be a good idea. We want to compile pictures, stories, and thoughts about Tom and his bikes into a book that, when they are ready, his kids and wife can look at to see how much he was respected and loved in this community, and the talent he had."

Chris Bishop and his wife are seeking pictures from Tom's customers, pictures of his bikes, pictures from rides, news stories, statements, stories, or anything else that might help with the project. If anyone out there has anything to contribute, contact Chris by email at chris@bishopbikes.com, and copy his wife who will be helping with the project, at cdefine8@yahoo.com.

"Tom was always incredibly helpful and encouraging to me when I started out as a framebuilder," said Chris. "I will never forget the ways he helped me. I hope we can create something for Tom to help his kids remember their father with pride."

Nothing can be done to make what happened right. But I think it speaks really well of the bicycling community that there has been such an outpouring of support for Tom Palermo's family.

The Future of Cycling?

Classic Equipment: Huret Duopar

Carradice Harris Tweed Bags

Cool Bike Gear from House Industries

Exclusive Sneak Peek: New Curtis Odom Hubs

Bike Safety 101: I Like Bikes, But . . .

The Return of Holdsworth

More Resurrected Classics

"Connected" Cycling - Here We Go Again

Classic Toys: Die-Cast Cycling Figures

Michele Ferrari: No Credibility

Walmart Fat Bikes - And the Perils of Being a Part-Time Blogger

Data Overload: Recon Jet Heads-Up Display Goggles

Solid Tires Try Again (and again)

Bike Safety 101: Bicycle Today, Automobile Tomorrow

Happy Holidays

Boxing Day Ride

Will There Be Justice For Tom Palermo?

Top Innovations of 2014?

The Bicycling Community Pulls Together for Tom Palermo